Traditional Catholic Singles: Are You Unqualified for Marriage?

“Bear not the yoke with unbelievers. For what participation hath justice with injustice? Or what fellowship hath light with darkness.”
–2 Corinthian 6:14

We all know that only miserable zombies would permit themselves an unequal yoking of any fashion. This pertains to friendships, associations, business partnerships, and, yes, marriages. However, few of us, traditional Catholics included, spend any scarce moment pondering whether we are the primary source of poor marriages, those that might resemble shock-collar yoking.

How many Catholics, men or women, take an introspective glance to see if they’re the common denominator in their horrible relationships?

While courtship-and-marriage advice is not my first speciality, this is an essential topic for most Catholics under 40, and for their parents and supportive family. If you did not benefit from having parents semi-arrange your marriage when you were a lad or damsel, then consider if you would pass a basic fitness test for marriage. I’ll supply some helpful criteria for this assessment.

This will be a quick and digestible article while I prepare for my next blockbuster Malachi Martin Book Review (coming soon). Until then, let’s explore the categories of Catholics who should not torture themselves, their potential spouses, or the rest of the world by assuming they must wed at all costs.

Folks Who Should NOT Get Married

1) Former Sodomites

The great Church Doctor, St. Peter Damien, has devoted extensive treatment into why sodomites should never enter the priesthood. The gist of it, which is common sense, is that no man who indulged in this grave sin can reasonably expect to recover enough to assume such a holy office.

There has been little discussion, however, whether rehabilitated sodomites should pursue matrimony. I assert they should not.

Think of it this way: if you were a young man or woman, would you want to engage in the marital act with a former sodomite? Would you want to go to bed with someone who has done the abominable and unmentionable deeds of a sodomite?

Therefore, let us acknowledge that which has not been entirely clear: sodomites (even those who have repented) should not marry. Their best course of action (to repent for their sins) is to finish life contemplatively rather than seek offices or vocational sacraments in this world. Otherwise, the opportunity for relapse threatens everyone around them with immense scandal and hardship.

2) Those Who Have a Psychiatric Disorder

There are many psychiatric disorders, nowadays re-named from the simpler verbiage of older times.

Instead of “female hysteria,” for instance, today’s young ladies have Border Line Personality Disorder (BPD) or the equally dreaded Bipolar Disorder. Some men suffer from these conditions as well, and both sexes exhibit an increasing tendency toward Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Then, if you ever encounter a young man who’s favorite motto is “I don’t give a f***,” he probably has what today’s shrinks call Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). He can look forward to a long career of prison recidivism, to be sure. You would have to be just as insane to marry someone like this (though many women do).

Finally, there are other mental-health maladies, such as Schizophrenia and even Autism of various shapes, stripes, and colors. The former automatically disqualifies the sufferer from marriage, whereas some autistic people may have a chance, but the odds are rather against them, alas.

At any rate, my goal with this category is to inform young vocational discerners that they should eschew marriage (and the priesthood) if they have a mental illness. This is most pronounced for those who consume any of the various “Benzos,” anti-psychotics, and other pharmacological terrors. Your “friendly, neighborhood priest” won’t warn you about this, perhaps out of an unwillingness to offend, or he suffers from disorders himself, up to and including being a veritable zombie.

3) Anyone Who Believes in Artificial Birth Control

The tragic part about today’s annulment-happy landscape is that most marriages probably are null and void on the grounds of poor formation regarding the sacrament.

Even though the adjudicating clergy (who normally aren’t Catholic these days) grant annulments for everything, many men and women enter their nuptial Masses intending to use contraception. If so, they do not make a solemn vow because there is substantial error or dishonesty present in their intentions.

As such, their “marriage” is void since it was entered unlawfully. This applies to all those miserable couples (the majority of American “Catholics”) who defy Church teaching and believe artificial birth control is acceptable in certain circumstances.

4) You’re “Excited” about “Natural Family Planning”

The hip, happy, joy-faced Catholics, who dominate online marriage advice, never end a discussion without mentioning Natural Family Planning (NFP). While the various Roman Pontiffs have endorsed the concept of “birth spacing,” I cannot recall one pope who ever employed the term, NFP. I for one, think it sounds all too similar to “National Family Planning,” as if it were concocted by the Chinese government.

If you show eagerness for this technique at the first sign of economic distress (recalling how economics are the primary motivation for abortion), then you are unfit for marriage. You should, instead, have a genuine joy to bring future saints into the world using the tried-and-true method, which we can only describe as “Holy Ghost Family Planning.” Who plans better: you . . . or the Third Person of the Holy Trinity?

5) You Intend to Marry a Non-Catholic

No, you shall not convert that “bad boy” or “hot girl” whom you tricked into dating you for so long. This is a foolish endeavor, sometimes known as “evangi-dating,” and yields nothing but disaster. Catholics must not yoke themselves with those who do not believe every tenant of the Catholic religion.

Ask yourself, young men and women, have you included this criterion in your previous courtship experiences? Do you put God and His commandments at the center of such serious, life-altering decisions? Do you know that souls go to Hell for selecting the wrong vocation, even when they marry other Catholics? Imagine how much worse it is to commit the almost insurmountable blunder of marrying a heretic or unbeliever.

Now, let us move along to the categories of people who should probably not get married.

Folks Who PROBABLY Should Not Get Married

1) Anyone Over 35

Vocational discernment is a young person’s mission. Leaving aside those saints who became consecrated religious after their spouses died, there is almost precedent for finding a new vocation later in life (especially one’s first vocation).

Moreover, once people reach 35, the men become too set in their ways and the women lose their beauty and fertility. This is not my opinion, but a law of nature. I can empathize with the few folks who have put their best foot forward in the spousal search, only to achieve poor results after several years.

However, most folks who have reached this age and show hardly any marital prospects, should consider themselves the common denominator for their past failures. Put another way, most Catholics (even traditionalists) carry a massive sack of baggage from earlier bad habits: active or latent feminism, porn addiction, and so forth. These individuals should read my conclusion paragraph to find an alternative to beating their heads against a wall and expecting positive results.

2) Physically Disabled Men/Women

The Church forbids men and women from marriage if they know of any permanent inhibitor to their reproductive capacity (i.e., castration). Although there is no hard-and-fast rule regarding other disabilities, this is something to consider if you lack the ability to fulfill the physical expectations of married life. 

Realistically, this includes young men who already possess a body-fat percentage of 25% or higher. I’m more lenient on women’s weight issues, but let us be clear, men should not be fat.

3) You Attend the Novus Ordo

Unfortunately, you have created such a massive disadvantage for yourself if you insist on attending the illicit “new Mass.”

For one thing, you will have a much smaller dating pool of acceptable partners because most lads and damsels who attend these do not comprehend the authentic religion. Even worse, the Novus Ordo parishes have a reputation for only marrying Catholics with non-Catholics lately.

As such, the lack of opportunities will disappoint you, and if you don’t believe me, just glance at young peoples’ online discussions regarding their marriage prospects. Fortunately, there is a solution, and it is for parents to drive their children to the Traditional Latin Mass (if it is still possible) and introduce them to marriageable youngsters there.

You’ll have much better chances and won’t need to guess whether the other party believes in Catholicism or treats Mass like a semi-relevant social obligation. This is immensely important for parents with large families. The odds of marrying off even one or two of your children in the Novus Ordo are radically against you.

4) Short Men

God made you short for a reason, which may have been a hint that you should pursue a religious vocation rather than marriage. Just as women should not hold it against men for preferring more beautiful women, men must not begrudge ladies for preferring taller men.

Conclusion – Consecration to Mary & Detachment From the World

What does a young person (or, for that matter, an old person) do in lieu of the traditional Catholic vocations?

I suggest focusing on the following:

1. Consecrate yourself to the Blessed Virgin Mary – As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, many young people may be better off not marrying or becoming a religious/priest until Mary’s Triumph, which may come rather soon. Even if it doesn’t, your best course of action is to consecrate yourself to the Blessed Virgin, devoting all your interior and exterior goods to Her. As always, this involves praying Her Holy Rosary (all 15 decades) every day. She will not fail to apply your merits to the interests of Jesus’ Most Sacred Heart. This gains for you a clear path to pleasing Him throughout this life, and enjoying His company forever in heaven.
2. Live a non-consecrated single life – Amid today’s vicious struggle between Church and anti-church, where true Catholics are woefully outnumbered and scattered, it is not unreasonable to pursue a non-consecrated single life. I am not alone in this opinion, either. By selecting this route, you are free to better fight the forces of darkness in this world through prayer, contemplation, and the active ministry of vocally opposing the anti-church.
3. Find other things to do – The best part of non-married, non-religious, not-priestly life is the abundance of free time, provided you do not allow an idle mind to become the devil’s playground. There are plenty of other profitable activities you can do with your time. These include learning about the Catholic religion, discovering how it’s been besieged by monsters, fighting against those monsters however possible, and other wholesome pastimes. When you’re not occupied by those things, there is plenty of remaining time for walks, lifting weights, smoking cigars, reading Malachi Martin books, and enjoying other amusements. You could even write a blog and attempt to convince people that Catholics Aren’t Zombies. Either way, discard the victim mindset and find things to do in God’s holy service.
4. You have nothing to lose – If you aren’t married, then use this to your advantage. Now, your enemies possess little else for which to blackmail or corrupt you. Here’s your chance to oppose them almost invincibly. Here’s your chance to sacrifice yourself for a greater cause. Sacrifice the pleasures of marriage for a penitential life, one with greater time for devotion to Jesus and Mary without the modern confusion, compromise, and corruption of the other vocations.

Thank you for reading, and if you enjoyed this, please pass it along to a young person who needs help.