“Wisdom shall distribute knowledge, and understanding of prudence: and exalteth the glory of them that hold her.” Sirach 1:24
Let’s begin without excessive preamble or article framing. Enjoy these 13 random but prescient observations, which, although helpful, do not assemble to form a coherent thesis.
1) On Sins Against the Earth
If, as the Modernists claim, you can sin against the earth, then what comes next? Shall we soon say that the wolf sins against the moon whenever he howls at it?
2) On Chatter in the Parish Vestibule Following Holy Mass
Boisterous discussion after Mass in the parish vestibule is akin to forcing everyone to suffer incessant ringing in the ears. We might style it as “church tinnitus.” It is indeed an aggravating vestibular disorder.
Addendum: Please, if you will, direct all the giggly/chatty teenage girls to the exterior of the church. Our Lord Jesus Christ, Who is all-knowing, will hear every exuberant thing they must announce even if they are NOT within earshot of the Blessed Sacrament.
3) On Grading Papers on Sunday
There is a significant possibility that God has punished all teachers who grade papers on Sunday by permitting their students to thwart them by writing their essays with artificial intelligence (i.e., cheating). Never forget: if you cheat on God’s rules, your pupils shall cheat on yours.
4) On the Salvation of the “Joos”
No man who, all the way to his death, embraces an evil religion (like Judaism) will enter God’s Heavenly Kingdom. May Nostra Aetate return to whichever chamber of Hell it escaped.
5) On Punctuation
If you refuse to punctuate your sentences, apply reasonable indentation, or separate paragraphs judiciously, then your readers will assume (correctly or not) that you suffer from a Cluster-C personality disorder.
6) On the Consideration of Converting to Other ‘Religions’
Given the absurdity of all other religions (“organized” or not), if I were ever tempted to disavow Catholicism (God forbid), I would no doubt assume a position of agnosticism. All other belief systems are insufferably illogical, corrupt, superstitious, and otherwise disbelief-worthy.
7) On Daily Web Content Creators
All those who have exhausted themselves of worthwhile things to say are well within their right to cease producing mediocre web content every day. This goes double for our friends who create headlines with “breaking news” at least once per week.
8) On Male Promiscuity
Young men who believe they are “living the dream” by “sowing their wild oats,” chasing after women for intercourse, rather than praying the Rosary and living a chaste life, suffer the most profound blue-pill toxicity imaginable.
9) On Anarcho-Capitalism
There are just four ways to achieve an anarcho-capitalist state of nature (which some people desire for unknown reasons): 1) Travel somewhere there is no state, 2) Travel back in time to before states existed, 3) Negotiate with everyone to eliminate state governance, or 4) Wait for a nuclear annihilation of all civic governance. Can you guess which possibility is most likely? If so, then you’re quite the intellectual dynamo.
10) On Sandwich Substitutes for Gluten Intolerance
No man with gluten intolerance should insist upon patronizing a sandwich shop, only to receive the sandwich contents stuffed between something ridiculous, such as two pickle slices or a “lettuce wrap.”
11) On Protestants Who Won’t Call Anyone ‘Father’
All Protestants who chastise Catholics for calling priests “Father” are welcome to read those edifying Holy Scriptures, over which they claim to possess mastery. There they will discover that both the Blessed Virgin and St. Zachary call the patriarch Abraham their father in the First Chapter of St. Luke’s Holy Gospel. I encourage all the jolly protesters to research this, but also recognize the difficulty they face trying to withdraw themselves from their arduous duties of finding Waldo in other publications.
12) On When I Retire from Catholics Aren’t Zombies
When the time is right, I intend to retire from this blogging website to write a manual on how chickens receive their slaughter in Advanced Poultry Processing Facilities: the hanging, the shocking, the throat slitting, the bleeding, the boiling, the de-feathering, the eviscerating, the chilling, and many other marvels found throughout my favorite moving-disassembly process. Folks ask me about this from time to time during polite dinner conversation.
13) On Where This Stupid Article Received Its Inspiration
If you have discovered that this article came into existence because the author had too many random topics floating throughout his “writing ideas” folder, then you are most wise.
I hope you enjoyed those random 13 observations.
Deo Gratias and Ave Maria!
Catholics Aren't Zombies! 